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Happy Holidays
This merry month of May secretly showers us with loads of leisure time. Firstly the fine May, 1st will offer opulent opportunities to eagerly enjoy an excellent excursion to some sensational sights in the sweet surrounding. Definitely high time for the first iceberg load of ice-cream: cheering chocolate, vegan vanilla, successful strawberry or maybe more extravagant, beautiful basil, authentic asparagus or even easy earthworm. It's your challenging choice!
Not much later this lovely month Ascension Thursday will actively take place although it might not be proudly publicly observed where you are. In gorgeous Germany this darling day is also usually used to calamitously celebrate the fabulous feast of Father's Day. Endless amounts of alcohol and a handy hand-cart are the indispensable equipment for the ecstatic event. What about a spontaneous stay in God's own country, Germany? (MF)

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April, 2
Black day for many nations as countless families lose their loved ones in a plane crash in the Alps.

April, 3
a long lost sailor appears again and is saved by a crew of another ship. He had survived on raw fish and rain water. Enjoy the next pizza!

April, 5
The large Hadron Collider at CERN returns to work after a two year break. Luckily this time - just like the last time - the end of the world is postponed...

April, 8
Biggest birthday party ever! Thanks dear employee!

April, 14
Up to 400 people die when the boat carrying them from Africa to Europe sinks.

April, 15
The EU firstly calls the slaughter of countless Armenian people 100 years ago genocide.

April, 19
700 refugees die on their way to Europe.

April, 20
A student kills a teacher with a crossbow he had made himself.

April, 25
Earthquake in Nepal, to date no one can estimate how many people lost their lives and how many villages and towns are destroyed.

The Witch's New Clothes

(Diagon Alley) The last six months have seen us struggling with events that if they were not unforeseen still were unexpected. As it is with blows of fate they made us think and we would love to share some of our thoughts with you.
During those last six months we have been several times to hell and back again and back to hell. So, out of hell we're writing the following lines. We do not want to induce pity, but courage to move on and not to give up.
People say that there is sunshine after rain and rain itself can offer us one of the most beautiful phenomena on this planet: the rainbow. Unfortunately, if you yourself are caught in the rain it might be hard to see the rainbow or remember the pleasure of sunlight.
However, if you finally get the rainbow or the sun comes out, your heart is light and you are ready to believe that life after all could not be so bad. It can. As a next blow hits you and ensures you that there is no good thing in life.
And yet, we are ready to take the next good thing as natural as it could be and are convinced that life is good. We cling to this believe until a further blow strikes us.
And so life proceeds offering us countless ups and downs and we willingly take them. Man is a strange creature, you might argue. What is the secret behind this? How can we take so much that all too often seems too much for just one life? Hope. Hope makes us get up in the morning, is our companion throughout our daily struggles and tugs us neatly into our beds at night. As long as there is hope, we will go on and hope dies last. (MF)

The Witch's New Clothes

(Diagon Alley) newBROOM has done it again: we managed to get the most interesting figure in current history for an interview: Madam Malkin. She is the proud owner of the shop by the same name offering robes for all occasions. She has come to our headquarters today to tell us about the latest fashion. And who else could have conducted the interview than newBROOM's very own fashion expert and fashion icon, Violet Vainglory?
VV: Thank you so much for being here today!
MM: Thanks for having me.
VV: Now, our readers can't wait. What is the one piece of clothing every witch will need in her wardrobe this summer?
MM: It's a very long robe fitting loosely. The colour should be bright yellow or orange or green.
VV: That is...not for everyone...
MM: Well, it should be. Still, if you are the shy type you can also go for red.
VV: Red? But isn't that quite outstanding as well?
MM: Yes, and that is what it is supposed to be. There are so many colours, there is virtually no reason why we should constantly be wearing dark colours and a bit of light grey for excitement.
VV: Okay, this is true for the witches, what about the wizards?
MM: The colours are the same for the wizards. Other than witches they can also go for combinations of these colours. For witches it should also be long clothes, not fitting too tight and please do not show too much of your upper body either.
VV: This seems to be a bit different to the years before...
MM: Yes, by now we all had a cold and a bladder infection – this year we would like to be comfortable and healthy. Let's face the truth: The UK does not offer a climate that is friendly to wearing short clothes.
VV: Won't we all look like our parents did in the 70s?
MM: Yes, and even better if you still have the one or the other old piece to wear it again. Very fashionable.
VV: Where will this take us? Further back or will we have to return to the horrible fashion of the 80s next?
MM: No, we are going further back. Next year the 60s will be very much en vogue: Witches in frocks and wizards in suits, however, all of it very colourful.
VV: If this trend continues, we will find ourselves in the stone age – fashion-wise – some day...
MM: Yes, predictions are that there will be a return of the furry coat some day soon. Very rough bearskin coats which are warm but do not look as pretty as the furry coats that were seen in the past.
VV: Poor bears!
MM: Exactly! So this will be a trend which e should not support – just make sure to spend all of your money on the current fashion – for example at my shop in Diagon Alley – then you will have no funds left to get yourself a dead bear.
VV: Yes, thank you for this piece on invaluable advice...
As usual newBROOM would like to thank its interviewee for taking the time to talk to us – we could not be more grateful... (MF)

Countless Catastrophes Spoil And Sadden Our Spirits

(The World) The past month has seen too many people losing their lives and even more people witnessing this without the slightest inner or outer motion.
As we are writing this article news come in that an earthquake in the Himalayas has taken the lives of over a thousand people. We are heartbroken especially since we know that after a couple of days or maybe weeks we will not think about this catastrophe any more. The victims will continue to suffer while our attention is dragged to milestone events like the Eurovision Song Contest.
We can't help but wonder why it is always the poorest who are hit by the fist of nature. It's the last thing they need and they are the last to deserve it. Could it be that this is a test for the rest of us and that we should prove our worth? Does it matter? If you prick them, do they not bleed? If you tickle them, do they not laugh? If you poison them, do they not die? If you compare them to us, are we not all the same? No, they are not the same because for sure there would be more help coming from them than it does from us!
Quite as horrible are the scenes which can be witnessed in the Mediterranean Sea. It has become the biggest grave of Europe. Weeping is done by countless politicians but instead of offering any effective help they discuss how to close the border between Africa and Europe hermetically.
What would we do if we were in the same position? Would we not do our best to find a better living not for us but for our families? And would we not claim this to be our right as a human being? Can't we see how terrible it must be to leave your home, maybe even leave your family because there is no way of living there any more? No one starts the journey towards Europe out of fun.
All of them know how dangerous the journey is and how many people die on the way. They know that they are abused by criminals. They know that many of them will be sent back. We can't even imagine how bad the conditions under which they are living must be if all of this doesn't outweigh the urge to leave their homes.
Stop locking your hearts. Help! (All)

That Voodoo That You Do Is Tulip-Voodoo

(Germany) Not know as the country of the Voodoo religion, Germany has proven to offer its own form of Voodoo. Shocking details are revealed by newBROOM's own investigative journalists.
Small, quiet, even harmless this is how a cosy school presents itself to the unknowing passer by, however, this place is the home of a new twig of the Voodoo religion: Tulip-Voodoo. Witnesses, who can only be found in scarce numbers and will only talk quite unwillingly about the practices, report that it was the students who came up with this new form of the Voodoo religion.
Speaking off the record rumours can be heard that some of the less liked teachers have already disappeared. The official excuse and explanation usually is that the respective teacher got pregnant – however, when this was claimed for the first male teacher of the school, people got suspicious.
Ever since then they have made sure to keep a close eye on the doings of the people attending the school. It didn't take long until they made out the first red haired person, still she doesn't seem to be responsible for the scandalous events taking place at the moment as newBROOM knows from well informed sources.
Then again, what exactly is going on on school grounds? The students came up with the scheme to sell tulips in spring – for charity as they claim. There is also the possibility – for everyone loving flowers so much that they don't want them to be killed – to take over the godparenthood for one of the cute little flowers.
So far everything seems just as normal as possible, but, these tulips – in order to really save them from death by beheading – are marked with a name tag of the respective godmother or godfather. This, apparently, turns the flowers into the perfect tool for the Voodoo practice.
First only discovered by accidentally hitting one of the precious tulips with a football and knocking the teacher out for a week, later practised by students on purpose in order to make unloved teachers suffer great pain, student seem to have developed a taste for this new approach to student council.
So, whatever you do whether it is Voodoo or Judo make sure not to become a godparent of a tulip at a tiny school in Germany. (BC)